April 2026 Update
Being intentional about the philosophy behind my art, juggling multiple projects, yer girl started EMDR therapy
During April, I worked on many projects. I’m working on:
a Nottingham Zine for Palestine Volume Two (Volume One is available to read for free online);
a zine meant to fundraise and raise awareness of Sudan called Devils on Stallions (it’s the one that I’ve put the most time into this montht, but this stage is only legible to me so it didn’t make it to the collage);
plein air painting;
conceptual sketches for different projects (what could they be, I wonder?!),
and, of course, researching the Algerian Genocide (when I research it, I both want to stop from how distressing and intellectually demanding it is, but also I feel like I have to do it, and at the best of my abilities too).
Being Intentional About The Philosophy Behind My Art
After having social science professors look over my art, I realised that art is so much more than just the visual technique. There is a social science, philosophy, and psychology behind what is communicated.
This fact is one of the reasons that I am very hesitant to share projects for Palestine that I have previously completed, even though I completed them to the best of my artistic and political abilities at the time. These projects include The Soul of my Soul, and my contribution to the collaborative A Nottingham Zine for Palestine Volume One. If it was just that my artistic skills had moved on, I would be able to showcase them more.
But, at the time, I was deeply inspired by general artwork that I see around about Palestine (also I was moderately depressed and severely anxious when I made them), so the colours were muted and a bit… well… lifeless.
But when I compare this visual depiction to how Palestinians depict themselves, it’s a completely different story. Sliman Mansour, Irina and Maher Naji, so many Palestinian artists. They use beautiful colours, and sometimes also dull ones, but in a multifaceted way rather than one that reeks of “Palestine is a desert and Israel made it bloom” (and, of course, desert is used pejoratively by colonisers who are not indigenous to the desert, and hold nothing but scorn for non-European landscapes).
I’m a big believer in centring Palestinian voices, and I’ve recently learned that that includes visually. I’ve also learned to analyse the visual just as much as I do the written.
This cover of Edward Said’s book perfectly and powerfully illustrates that visual communication is just as shaped by the painter/photographer/and so on as any other communication. I have also been trying to analyse the philosophical dimensions behind characters, their clothing, their architecture, and so on. For example, with clothing, many Muslim-majority countries’ clothes have a strong presence of floral motifs because of the belief that is dominant in many Sunni cultures that depicting living beings is haraam (Islamically forbidden). For a deep analysis of Islamic philosophy, I recommend this series by Abbas on Substack- the meaning behind geometric patterns prevalent in Islamic art suddenly make sense!). Another example is with architecture. One conceptual sketch is inspired by The Six Grandfathers mountain in Turtle Island which was considered sacred by indigenous people. European settlers carved the faces of the Founding Fathers onto it, much like the owner of cattle would inhumanely brand a cow. It really reflects a sense of ownership and sovereignty in regards to land and generally. So I’m trying to think about these questions more in worldbuilding.
Juggling Multiple Projects
I wanted to do a project about Sudan that not only fundraised, but also was a true ode to its people. But then my art skills developed and so the project has taken a lot longer than anticipated to complete to the level that I aspire to.
I’m also deeply honoured to be illustrating Uncle Adeeb Shaheen’s reflections of his resistance and solitary confinement during the First Intifada (depicted in the middle panel and to the right in the collage). I really could learn from his insight forever!
These two are completely charitable works, but then I’ve realised that I need to also tell stories of other projects that I’ve wanted to tell for a while.
Friends and family often get surprised and even treat me like a miskeena (poor thing) when I mention that I make zero money off of my fundraisers and that they entirely go to charity. It comes from a place of caring about me, but it makes me deeply uncomfortable! I consider it a true honour to raise awareness and fundraise for these causes, and also I view it as a blessed thing to engage in. :)
In Islamic belief, the duaa (call to Allah) of the oppressed has no barrier between them and Allah. Usually this is understood as “don’t oppress in case they make duaa against you”. But I have learned other interpretations through experience. I have a friend in Gaza who is a true inspiration to me having interacted with her closely, and no less in her critical moment that none of us can imagine going through. She made duaa for me and when I tell you all of my own troubles began to make sense and I finally experienced relieved (relevant to the next section)! Maybe that hadith about the duaa of the oppressed also means that when someone is oppressed, that trying your best to alleviate their oppression, however modest your capabilities may be, will come back to you in strange ways.
On juggling many projects, I’m a bit of a workaholic. I think it comes from seeing my family working so hard. I think that’s where my allergy to rest comes from, even though I have medical reasons to rest.
I Started EMDR
Hence my rants on notes, which I often delete… Because logically I’ve moved on from my trauma, but with certain triggers, I’m back to old, binary thought patterns that may have made sense in that specific case years ago, but don’t anymore. I’m trying my best not to be contagious with negativity.
So many friends and kind people online have sent me best wishes, and even offered to listen when I need it. But I respectfully declined on the second point because these things are contagious, and I’ve learned enough coping mechanisms now. It’s different to when the trauma just happened. I try my best to manage my own triggers now. But, at the same time, it’s just been so heartwarming to receive the outpouring of kind messages wishing me well with this therapy. Tl;dr I’m rich. :)